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Please send some prayers my way!
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TOPIC: Please send some prayers my way!
#1603
Please send some prayers my way! 3 Years, 9 Months ago Karma: 3  
After 1 1/2 years of separation my husband sent me a text message yesterday that he had filed for divorce. He has been with his girlfriend for one year now and they celebrated their one year anniversary on our 18th wedding anniversary. I am feeling the bitterness building and building in my heart. I know that this was a Valentine present for one of them, if not both of them because it was filed on the 15th and the money paid to the attorney on the 14th. I can't believe that after 20 years, the destruction of our family is a Valentine present! I am also very bitter that I was sent a text message. I felt that I at least deserved a face to face conversation about this. From what I hear, the two of them are planning on getting married as soon as they can after our divorce. My husband is acting like the husband and father to her and her children, that my kids and I always wanted. We used to beg him to do things with us as a family and I tried my best for the two of us to do things together, but he refused. Now, he is doing these things that we begged and longed for with her and her kids.

How do I get past this anger, bitterness, and rage? My kids are panicking because the attorney he is using specializes in child custody. They don't even know their father anymore, because I can count on two hands how many times he has seen or talked to them in the past 1 1/2 years. Now they are worried that they will have to go spend weekends and holidays with him and his girlfriends family. My kids never miss weekly Mass and their father had completely turned his back on the church. So, I know that they will not be able to go when they are with him. How can I teach them the morals that I want them to learn if they are going to be exposed to the kind of lifestyle that he is living? I have so many questions and thoughts right now, that I could not even being to list them. I just mainly need prayer for my kids and I to get through this. I think my husband desperately needs prayer too.

God Bless,
Kris
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#1604
Re:Please send some prayers my way! 3 Years, 9 Months ago Karma: 2  
Hi Kris, My heart goes out to you and your children and you will be in my prayers as everyone on this site is. What's the phrase SAME CHURCH BUT DIFFERENT PEW. If you read thru the posts on this forum you will see you are definitely not alone. You could be writing an autobiography of my life with my ex who married my sister in law after my brother passed away. He has very little to do with our 6 children except for my oldest who lives near him. He has played "daddy" to my two nieces for about 8 years now as he married without an annulment. The ironic part is that my children tell me that my niece's father (my brither) died but they(my children) lost their father. My youngest daughter is going thru a crisis right now but my ex is more concerned with my niece's wedding plans in Nov. She is about the same age as our daughter. I can only tell you that right now you have been hit by a tornado and the confusion, fear, anger, hurt, betrayal and lonliness you are feeling is what we have all felt and know it well. Have faith Kris, you are embarking on a spiritual journey that will bring you wisdom, courage and trust in the Lord. Take one day at a time, pray as hard as you can, give everything you are feeling to our Lord, and hold your children close. Never stop telling them how very much you love them and that God also loves them and sees what is happening. Pray with them and always make them feel comfortable talking to you. You have come to the right place on this site. I believe in my heart our Lord had directed all of us to this site. God Bless, Mitzie ♥
mitzie ()
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#1608
Re:Please send some prayers my way! 3 Years, 9 Months ago Karma: 0  
Hi
As I read your post I was hoping and praying that I would be able to find words to help you a little to deal with the cruel and self-centered behavior of your husband. I experienced some of the same hostility in my own situation, and hoped that would help me to help you. The one thing that keeps coming back to me is prayer. Without having faith that God would bring me through my divorce last year, I'm not sure how I would have been able to move forward. I'm still dealing with a lot, but I'm doing much better than I ever thought possible. It wasn't always easy,because it seemed that at some of the dark times that I was on my own. But I kept thinking of a story a wise old priest told at Mass one weekend. He said that the devil was facing some hard financial times and was selling off his "weapons". One was greed. Another was jealousy. Another was gossip. And so on, until he had only one weapon left - one that he clung to tightly. When the last buyer approached him to buy it, the devil said " I'll never part with this weapon, because with it I can destroy any soul." What was the weapon? Despair. As long as we keep hope alive and trust that God will bring us through the fire, we'll never be defeated and will never let fear overcome us.

I'll be praying hard for you and your children. It sounds like you have a strength that you might not even recognize, and you and the kids have a pricless
gift - each other.
God Bless
Jack
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#1609
Re:Please send some prayers my way! 3 Years, 9 Months ago Karma: 3  
Thank you to both of you for your wise words and prayers. Yes, I have the greatest gifts that could have ever given me and that is my four children. Today is my daughter's 11th birthday and as we were celebrating and singing I was watching all of them and felt so much love that it was overwhelming. Then we were outside looking at the moon and stars and seeing their smiling faces looking up at the sky just made me feel so sorry for what my husband is missing out on.

I slept with my Rosary in my hand last night, Just being able to hold it makes me feel so much better. I have an appointment with an attorney tomorrow afternoon. So, I think I will go to our Mary grotto at my church and spend some time in prayer before I go.

Mitzie, I can't imagine the betrayal that you feel, not only from your husband but from your sister in law. I will pray that your daughter will come through this crisis very soon.
Jack, despair has hit me very hard. I am trying to be happy for my kids, especially since it is my daughter's birthday, but the despair keeps creeping back in like it is always there waiting for the slightest opportunity.

Kris
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#1610
Re:Please send some prayers my way! 3 Years, 9 Months ago Karma: 0  
I will pray for all of you. A few weeks ago I walked in on my soon to be ex wife with her new boyfriend who used to be a friend of mine. The pain is awful. However, through all of this, I have never been closer to my Lord - I prayer throughout the day that I will find some comfort and can love and forgive my "enemies". I try to believe that I'm going through the Refiner's fire and will someday come out a better person and ... perhaps in some way this divorce is His way of protecting me.

The words of Mother Teresa have become my mantra - "Love until it hurts".

Seek out the small joys in the day - God is there.
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#1611
Re:Please send some prayers my way! 3 Years, 9 Months ago Karma: 0  
Dear Kris

I have been on several threads of this forum for the past two months. My heart goes out to you and your kids. You can find my story in detail in the thread about "Forgiveness" but to make a long story short, I was a man who had an affair with a co-worker who I thought I had fallen in love with many years after NOT forgiving my wife for her own indiscretions. Her behavior had changed so much (for the better) that I felt it out of place to express my hurt over her affair which had happened while she was having an alcohol problem. I gave lip service to forgiveness but I nursed resentment subconsciously for about 15 years and one day the devil told me that it was OK to cheat because she had done it to me. I was discovered and told my family I loved the other woman. The other woman ended up running off with an old boyfriend and my wife and I tried reconciliation with me being half-hearted with psychologist-type therapists but finally enthusiastic after going to Retrouvaille. By that time she wanted out of the marriage and divorced me. Ironically, my affair started about three months after our entire family became Catholics in RCIA. After the divorce, I stayed away from the church for five years because I felt divorcees were unwelcome but about a year ago I returned and now I attend daily mass, say my rosary, read many books including the bible, watch EWTN (Thats how I found "Divorced Catholic") and I strive to be the type of person I should have always been. When I returned, I felt I had nowhere else left to go. My ex-wife has a boyfriend but I am practically best friends with her. My kids are doing well. I feel so bad because there are three people (ex-wife and two kids) who became Catholics largely through my influence and by my bad influence are presently among the millions of "drop-out Catholics". I have found someone who forgives me more than I forgive myself, someone who loves me when I am unloveable, someone who is always there in Jesus. I had spent many years looking for these characterstics in women. I am happier than I have ever been in my life despite having financial setbacks and divorce.

I will certainly pray for you. I think that somebody must have prayed for me when I needed all the help that I could get. I now pray for others and I pray to see God's will in my life. I was a hopeless run-away sheep and the "Good Shepherd" came after me and brought me back home. Reading your story makes me feel so bad about the way I treated my family and so blessed to find my way back to God and the Church. Please pray about forgiveness. Resentment really hurts you as the "resenter" more than the person being resented ("resentee") and is a slippery place for justifying behavior that leads you away from God rather than toward Him. I will also pray for your husband. If I could return to the flock, any other runaway sheep can.

I can tell you from personal experience on both sides of betrayal that time heals but God heals a whole lot faster and a whole lot more lovingly. This is a wonderful site and the Daily Inspirations are awsome. You will find many brothers and sisters here. It is like we are all passengers on the same cruise ship. I read these forums for inspiration from my peers. The thread you started has already helped many people. God bless you and I will be praying for you.
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